Morning everyone! I wasn’t going to put this here though I wrote it elsewhere and had lots of feedback. I’ve had few people who I’ve never met send me emails the last week or two so I thought I would say Hi.
There has been some plus points, I got a letter back from The Queen whose Private Secretary was extremely nice as FB friends will have seen.I also in part got rid of a Conservative Councillor in one of the most Tory seats in the country. For over a year I had posters up in my front windows about being Excluded. Living opposite a school and behind a village high-street there are lots of people who notice them and when I spoke to people, dozens of them said they would not be voting Conservative just because of me. And for the first time in many a year, Bushey now has a Lib Dem councillor. Serves them right for like every other Tory, not answering emails or info requests.
Work is pretty much none-existent still, I’ve done 3 days work but all discounted or indeed totally free (so is that even work) and it was so nice to meet a few fellow ExcludedUK moderators over the last few weeks across London in Whitechapel, Clerkenwell on the one side and Mayfair and Bond Street on the other. I was even treated by another lovely person got me ice-cream at Fortnums which is something I’ve always wanted to do but even in the good times I was either too busy or it wasn’t a wise use of cash.
Had more cancellations come in this weekend & all the talk of yet another setback due to yet another totally obvious blunder by trolley Johnson is just terrible for those of us with no work or any support whatsoever as the world does indeed pick up for so many.
Today has been a real flashback day, the last few weeks have really. The heat and humidity isn’t good for my asthma and I’m up at 4am and bored stiff by 5am. I go and sit on my front bench with a cup of tea before the world wakes up feeling like Andy Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption, trying just to be normal sitting outside for a few minutes. But basically by 7am I am ready for bed again, nothing to do, no-one to see, nothing to buy lol. I end up thinking of that S word we aren’t meant to say on here and I don’t mean Sunak I have been to the cinema 4 or 5 times. Pretty much the last thing I did when I moved house but before I got pushed under the train was get an Annual Cineworld pass.
Of course I couldn’t use it so I emailed the head office but got no reply. I went there anyway and they all knew who I was and I got my pass extended for free until 2022 and sometimes I get free ice-cream or drinks. I’ve always liked horror films but watched a huge number in the last month. Only horror seems real and something I can relate to. It’s nice to see other people with problems and for 2 or 3 hours I can be happy. It’s such a nice feeling to be happy even if it is fleeti.
I’m feeling particularly delicate at the moment as I was a bit heartbroken on Friday on my way to London to meet a lovely Mod. One of my collectable chronic conditions has been flaring up and it means I sometimes can barely walk; this week I’ve been having to go up and down the stairs like a 3 year old, just using the same leg and then holding onto something and bringing the other down as it hurts so much.
On a surprisingly busy tube carriage some poor chap came in and he clearly needed a seat so with no-one offering, I gave him mine. I looked around and counted everyone. 27 other people around and about and they were all younger, richer, with new clothes and phones and it took the second oldest, blind in one eye, asthmatic, depressive who could hardly walk to give him a seat.
Covid hasn’t changed people, at least those who have had a comfy life. It hasn’t changed me either which is sad as I’m probably too nice for this life. Then yesterday watching that poor footballer almost die was traumatic and I was touched how everyone cared for him and even Oliver Dowden was tweeting praise and care.
Human life is so precious and yet again, everyone obviously thinks of those who sadly died of Covid but no-one outside our group thinks of the suicides in our numbers. Their lives are as important and they didn’t lose their lives rich and surrounded by friends or family doing the job they love. The government deliberately decided they and we are expendable. It’s so sad our lives don’t matter. And whilst for the next 12 hours everyone else was saying to tell their family they love them for no reason at all (which is what I always did and lots of us do), not having anyone to call or to hear from just makes things seem even lonelier and more hopeless.
Fancy struggling through the last 17 months for this!! We deserve respect and dignity and to be treated with respect and care just like the footballer did. Just like Boris got when he was in hospital. I deserve it too, it’s not right how things have been and how they are. I have feelings and matter just as much as he does.
I received over 6,600 messages of support and thanks between August and Xmas last year and I know by speaking out I saved lives but it can be so hard and pointless to go through all this alone.Not wanting everyones keyboards to short-circuit I will end on a positive in that I got one of my major house-improvements done after a very kind non-Excluded person sorted me out with a quadruple locking inner porch door so for the first time since I moved here, I can at least open and close one of the doors and the house is finally secure (as my neighbour said, not like you have anything inside to nick) but thats hardly the point.
I want to say hi to everyone and I love everyone and am grateful to everyone I know of and those random people who have just said hi over the year or stalked me to send help…. like the lady from Germany who simply sent a letter to “Sir Stephen, the best tour guide in Watford”… and I don’t even live there anymore.I better go, not going to do anything bad. Just thirsty and need to at least pretend to have something to do. I spent much of the winter with no or minimal heating and some of the rooms of the house fell to zero or below and I just wanted a bit of heat. Now if they drop under 23 it is a relief. I still read a lot in here and do a few behind the scenes things and spend much of every day making a nuisance of myself in my own way. Sometimes it just takes a year to pay off like the booted out councillor If anyone wants to send a virtual hug then do not let me stop you!
I’ve always been very kind to Oliver Dowden my MP and government minister for my professionas he hasn’t personally done anything wrong to me and actually met with me last year. But he has just failed to help me and hundreds of thousands of others who work in similar professions to myself.
I wrote to him in April 2021 and I am still waiting a reply, not that much of a surprise as I have written to Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak many times starting over a year ago. And I wrote to every single Conservative MP and did not get a single reply.
How do Labour, SNP, Green MPs have the time to contact me and support me and even bring my case up in Parliament and yet Oliver Dowden, my very own MP and the man responsible for my industry sector suffering so badly, can’t even reply to a professional and sincere letter.
Yesterday however, Mr Dowden as he often does was all too quick to sing his own praises on Twitter (he has never once replied to the hundreds of tweets I have sent him) and clearly shown up to be publicly lying by a much bigger institution than myself.
Mr Dowden in some Putinesque attempt to erase history quickly deleted his tweet but I think it is worth preserving for all time. He either lied or he misspoke and misunderstood his own departmental notes. It happens but then he should say so and own up to his mistake. I am here very publicly owning up to my mistake when I believed Rishi Sunak that “No-one will be left behind or without hope”.
Some might say I am only writing this after 17 months of no income or government support. I get that sometimes by people who have been very well supported or even by multi-millionaires but co-incidentally a facebook memory appeared yesterday which shows otherwise.
Even more tellingly, I’ve been told I am due a tax refund by the state. The very same government that spent most of last year telling the world #ExcludedUK people were criminals and fraudsters. And now the lockdowns look to be extended further and many of us have had no income or help from the government since February and March 2020. How many people could survive so long?
Which person really seems most likely to lie? A tour guide in a country where the government has banned tourists or a man in Boris Johnson who left his cancer stricken wife for a new model? A writer who knows of 23 people personally who have committed suicide and others forced into areas like prostitution just to survive or a man who either lies or can’t check basic facts before deleting untruthful tweets?
So really I’d just like to know why does Oliver Dowden and the government care about a very rich and foreign footballer doing his job and mercifully as it now transpired, saved, with nothing too much trouble for him and rightfully so. Yet my life and those of 3 million other citizens are worth nothing. Why can’t Oliver Dowden even bother to respond to a letter. Why has he left me to die as he has millions of others?
People who don’t understand say Suicide is selfish but really, it is the logical choice when you’ve been so thoroughly ExcludedUK from society, humanity for almost a year and a half.