A special Charles Dickens Tour. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

Recently I did a most special tour for two blind tourists from Iran. It was hard work and tiring but thoroughly rewarding and ultimately a huge success. My guests were Bita and Parham and were lovely. Very clever and witty and charming, it really was their dream to visit London and follow in the footsteps (19,000 of them) of Charles Dickens and his stories.

They really enjoyed learning our culture and history. We talked Iranian stuff and it turned out I knew a few things they didn’t which they thought was cool. They loved that my number 1 thing in life is to go to a tea shop under the bridge in Esfahan.

I get tourists from western countries who know less about Britain and our language. It did take 5 hours instead of 3 and it took 3 attempts but I found them a restaurant afterwards. They were incredibly touched and moved. They thought the old alleys and gardens were very Iranian which I love history wise. In fact the word and concept of ‘paradise’ is based on old Persian gardens.

English ambassadors went to Persia under Queen Elizabeth I and Britain is probably the country Iranians think is most civilised and comparable in the western world to their own great civilisations. Even when governments don’t agree as today, we are portrayed as a sly fox who is really running the show and it’s been that way for centuries.

London Underground were amazing and pulled out the stops for their VIPs. I had one holding one arm and the other the other arm. Cars would stop for us, people mostly cleared the way even in Borough Market. They said even Iran or Cairo doesn’t have alleys and tunnels like the oldest parts of London.

Incredibly after the sun came out, they got too hot lol, they laughed when I said I was more Iranian than they are. We talked lots of blind people stuff, me being blind in one eye. They were so sharp as I told them my good eye is about 26/20 on that rating and it is like an eagles eye so when I told them I could see their restaurant they said it wasn’t much help considering my eye is 25% better than sighted people lol.

I took photos on their camera for their families as even though they went to lots of countries they really wanted to see London. I took some on mine too.

They said a few times how similar British people are to Iranians in politeness and respect and they found it different to European countries. They also said London was the first city in their lives they didn’t feel there were any problems

They loved the smells and the sounds and the nature. Best of all was the talking statue of hodge the cat.

At the end I got the biggest possible hug from the lady, very non Islamic revolutionary! They both said it was the best day of their lives and I was the only person who didn’t cancel on them. They got so confident they put away their sticks and I took great care of them. They had a little cry at the end and I might have done too.

The lady made me laugh because she thought Blackfriars station was to do with a giant old air fryer. We covered a lot of language and stuff. Two British people on the first train missed their stop because they were listening to us.

Amazingly they know the actor from the film I once wrote about The Colour of Paradise. I guess there are only so many blind people in Tehran.

My Farsi needs a little practice but I got my quote right about Esfahan being half the world. They kept laughing as I don’t know the word for a quarter or eighth in Farsi so I’d says we are a Jahan-Jahan or half a half through the walk etc.

They actually said the royal national institute for the blind should use me as they’ve gone on special blind tours in other countries that haven’t been so good as my very much off the top of my head tour.

I will miss them terribly and they are off to read the Canterbury tales. Also St George and the dragon and at a tangent, Saul and his road to Damascus trip… I think that came up as they didn’t know of St Paul for whom St Pauls Cathedral is named.

I heard the lady say she liked my voice and accent and they were shocked as they thought I sounded about 30… must be the hair James at Gloucester Road station made us laugh. He was a bit of an East End geezer and the lady told him she likes his voice and listening to him speak. He replied that was funny as his wife is always telling him to shut up

And Parham had a dry sense of humour. When we went past some roadworks and a maze of poles and bars (seriously, trendy street designers never think of blind or partially sighted people) I said I just have to be careful or one of us is going to be run over by a bus and it’s not going to be either of you.

And outside Borough Market I said something about how everything was going well until for no reason at all, Parham walked into a pole… well there was a reason and that’s because Stephen is a tw@t.

I told him I was excited to meet them as they were from Iran. He said the last time anyone was excited to meet him as he was from Iran were the various secret service people!

For a few moments here and there I forgot they were blind, I hope that they did too.

I left them at Nando’s in Bloomsbury and they were totally happy and confident to get the underground back on their own which is more than some sighted and western tourists are, What wonderful people.