I wasn’t sure if I was going to post anything today or not but I thought why not, it will likely be the last post on my Mam and I thought this one might be more positive and help others.
Sorry, I have missed the odd post this last 2 weeks but I have been very busy with tour guiding a wonderful family in and around London for 10 days. I can’t take credit for the words that follow as they were originally posted here.
Be that as it may, I’d still rather have my Mam in my house.
1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasn’t. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.
2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day. When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.
3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.
4. It’s okay to cry. Do it often. But it’s okay to laugh, too. Don’t feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.
5. Take care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.
6. Don’t shut people out. Don’t cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.
I always think it isn’t the last year that is the problem but the next 30-50.
7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. People–even people you love–will let you down. Friends you thought would be there won’t be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others’ reactions.
8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.
I remember when I was little my mother used to read Winnie the Pooh to me as it was too advanced for me to read by myself.
9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.
10. Facing the grief is better than running. Don’t hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.
11. You will ask “Why?” more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, “How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?”
From “The Scientist” by Coldplay. Other sad songs on todays play list include the Lily Allen version of “Somewhere only we know” and Jonny Cash singing “Hurt”… everyone I know, goes away in the end and Mam’s favourite from the 70’s and 80’s Barry Manilow “I can’t smile without you” is a distinct possibility too.
12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. This isn’t really true. Take time to process and heal.
13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if you’re dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.
Knowing my mam, she would prefer something she could eat, maybe a Cheese and Onion pasty.
14. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need people. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.
15. Grief can be beautiful and deep and profound. Don’t be afraid of it. Walk alongside it. You may be surprised at what grief can teach you.
Bring typically organised, I bought 2 Mothers Day cards last March little knowing that with the UK Mothers Day this Sunday, I’d have no mother to send it to. Any ideas of what I should do with it?