Almost everyone knows what a Cockney is or at least they think they do. Famously they are the original Londoners known for their cheeky banter, no nonsense approach to life and perhaps being a bit rough. Actually a lot rough. The amount of London gangster films has given to a film genre in itself, all populated by brutish cockneys with a sometimes unexpected moral code.
Having put up with centuries of deprivation, exploitation, Great Fires, serial killers and Luftwaffe bombings then it is little wonder that Cockneys have a certain reputation. These days the worst estates in London have been known to fight off alien invasions and even zombies.
But what actually constitutes a Cockney. London is actually a huge city, officially around 600 square miles or 1,000 square kilometers and that doesn’t include all the outying districts that strictly speaking aren’t London but in reality pretty much are.
Historically speaking to be a Cockney you have to have been born within earshot of a single specific church, St Mary-Le-Bow or Bow Bells for short. In times past, the bells could be heard over quite a distance (around 10 miles across) as can be seen on the map below. However in the 21st century, the area in which the bells are audible is very much reduced due largely to the noise of cars, aeroplanes and building heating and cooling systems.
However, despite the area where one is technically able to be born a Cockney has reduced, in reality, the area that Cockneys live has never been wider. Due to populations being relocated after The Blitz to more outlying locations and even different counties such as Essex, the Cockney dialect has taken hold over a good chunk of London though of course true Cockneys would dispute the newcomers status.
Aside from the Hugh Grant, upper class Notting Hill type, according to Hollywood, everyone else in the whole of Britain speaks Cockney. All 65 million of us…. even the ones 900 miles from London. In reality, if a Hollywood producer was spoken to in the famous Cockney Rhyming Slang it is likely that they wouldn’t understand a single word of it. That’s ok, even other British people might only know a few of the most famous ones.
There is a reason for this of course and that is that it is likely that they were created almost as a secret code to allow for covert and often dodgy conversations to take place right in front of the police, visitors or customers. Whilst many people might know that Rosie Lee is Tea or Apples and Pears means stairs, the idea of it is that with many of them, only the first word is spoken. This is even the case with modern iterations. Few would say that they want a Britney Spears or beers, they’d just ask for a Britney.
Below is a fine selection of Cockney Rhyming Slang to help you learn to speak propa like. Some from the wonderful Londontopia site and others were rattling around my loaf (see number 65). There are many more to go with these but I did have to edit out dozens of rude or possibly offensive ones.
- Adam and Eve – believe
- Alan Whickers – knickers
- apples and pears – stairs
- Artful Dodger – lodger
- Ascot Races – braces
- Aunt Joanna – piano
- Baked Bean – Queen
- Baker’s Dozen – Cousin
- Ball of Chalk – Walk
- Barnaby Rudge – Judge
- Barnet Fair – hair
- Barney Rubble – trouble
- Battlecruiser – boozer
- bees and honey – money
- bird lime – time (in prison)
- Boat Race – face
- Bob Hope – soap
- Bottle and glass – arse
- Brahms and Liszt – pissed (drunk)
- Brass Tacks – facts
- Bread and Cheese – sneeze
- Bread and Honey – money
- Bricks and Mortar – daughter
- Bristol City – breasts
- Brown Bread – dead
- Bubble and Squeak – Greek
- Bubble Bath – Laugh
- Butcher’s hook – a look
- Chalfont St. Giles – piles
- Chalk Farm – arm
- china plate – mate (friend)
- Cock and Hen – ten
- Cows and Kisses – Missus (wife)
- currant bun – sun (also The Sun, a British newspaper)
- custard and jelly – telly (television)
- Daisy Roots – boots
- Darby and Joan – moan
- Dicky bird – word
- Dicky Dirt – shirt
- Dinky Doos – shoes
- Dog and bone – phone
- Plates of meat – feet [from early 20th c.]
- Duck and Dive – skive
- Duke of Kent – rent
- Dustbin lid – kid
- Elephant’s Trunk – drunk
- Fireman’s Hose – nose
- Flowery Dell – cell
- Frog and Toad – road
- Gypsy’s kiss – piss
- Half-inch – pinch (to steal)
- Hampton Wick – prick
- Hank Marvin – starving
- Irish Jig – wig
- Isle of Wight – tights
- jam-jar – car
- Jayme Gibbs
- Jimmy Riddle – piddle
- Joanna – piano (pronounced ‘pianna’ in Cockney)
- Khyber Pass – arse
- Kick and Prance – dance
- Lady Godiva – fiver
- Laugh n a joke – smoke
- Lionel Blairs – flares
- Loaf of Bread – head
- loop the loop – soup
- Mickey Bliss – piss
- Mince Pies – eyes
- Mork and Mindy – windy’
- north and south – mouth
- Orchestra stalls – balls
- Pat and Mick – sick
- Peckham Rye – tie
- plates of meat – feet
- Pony and Trap – crap
- raspberry ripple – nipple
- raspberry tart – fart
- Roast Pork – fork
- Rosy Lee – tea (drink)
- Round the Houses – trousers
- Rub-a-Dub – pub
- Ruby Murray – curry
- Sausage Roll – goal
- Septic tank – Yank
- Sherbert (short for sherbert dab) – cab (taxi)
- Skin and Blister – sister
- Sky Rocket – pocket
- Sweeney Todd – flying squad
- syrup of figs – wig
- tables and chairs – stairs
- tea leaf – thief
- Todd Sloane – alone
- Tom and Dick – sick
- tom tit – shit
- tomfoolery – jewellery
- Tommy Trinder – window
- trouble and strife – wife
- two and eight – state (of upset)
- Vera Lynn – gin
- Whistle and flute – suit (of clothes)
- All gone Pete Tong – Wrong
- Lester Piggot – Bigot
- Cream Crackered – Knackered
- Dustbin lids – Kids
- Rocking Horse – Sauce
- Jockey Whips – Chips
- Bubble and Squeak – Greek
- Soccy Doo – Clue
- Skin and blisters – Sister
- Rock and Roll – Dole
- Nelson Mandella – Stella
- Godiva – Fiver or £5
- Score = £20
- Pony – £25
- Tonne = £100
- Monkey = £500
- Grand = £1000
- Richard III = Turd
- Haystack – Back
- Eye Lash – Slash
- Birds Nest – Chest
- Khyber Pass – Arse
- Lord Lovel – Shovel
- Baden Powell – Towel
- Daisy Roots – Boots
- Bristol City – Breasts
- Swiss Navy – Gravy
- Ian Beales – Wheels
- Nigel Benn – 10
- Chicken Dippers or Yorkshires (Rippers) – Slippers
- Aristotle – Arse
- Brad Pitt – Guess 🙂 Just one of many for that word
- Mae West – Vest
- Turtle Gloves – Doves
- Roll and butter – Nutter
- Tit for tat – Hat
- Kettle and hob – Fob (watch)
- Icecream Freezer – Geezer
- Tin Bath – Laugh
- Drum Roll – Hole (Basic place to live)
- Edna Everage – Beverage
- Rabbit and Pork – Talk
- Oily Rag – Fag (Cigarette for Americans!!)
- Borassic Lint – Skint
- Potato Mould – Cold
- Britney Spears – Beers
- Gregory Peck – Cheque
- Hamstead Heath – Teeth
- Artdul Dodger – Lodger
- Lemonade – Spade
Of course if you want a genuine London tour to see the tourist parts, the posh parts or you want a proper old knees up in authentic London then let me know at www.yeoldenglandtours.co.uk
LOL. We recall watching “Mind your language” as kids and listenting to this Sidney babbling away in Cockney dialect that poor old mr Brown had to explain to the foreign students!
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I remember that show!
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Great show. Absolutely loved it.
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Thanks for this great Post!
When I saw it I thot I’d ‘ave a butcher’s! A big thank u for th extensive list
I hope u enjoyed watching this:
Personally, I reckon its superior to Th Force Awakens
Cheers!
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I could have kept that list going though it was made easier by removing anything vaguely objectionable! I haven’t see Rogue One yet as I have been on my tours but Thursday at 3pm is when I rendezvous with The Force. Should I read you review afterwards or is it ok to peek at it now?
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It’s okay, Stephen, best to take that rendezvous 1st, then come over to th review 2nd!
Hope u enjoy it! Already seen it TWICE and it is everything I wished for! And I’ve only been waiting 36 yrs to catch it!
Cheers!
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I’m hoping it’s everything the “prequels” weren’t!
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TRUST ME, IT IS!
Rogue One is for Life, not just Christmas
Cheers!
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Reblogged this on Pete's Favourite Things and commented:
I was born and spent my first 8 years in the East end of London inside the eastern edge of Stephen’s green zone. I remember some of the terms listed being used and I certainly remember the weekly visit to the Pie and Mash shop – always with Liquor (not alcohol but a white parsley sauce).
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