Grief is the price we pay for love

Today is an unexpected and sad post.  Today is Good Friday, the time of Easter and of death and resurrection.  Please therefore spend a moment to think of my beautiful, kind and precious mother who sadly died unexpectedly last night without chance for goodbyes or expressions of love. No doubt I will do a proper tribute in a few weeks time.

I was also made redundant from work 2 weeks ago and so no doubt like thousands of people around the world, it is not going to be a Happy Easter for me.

Candle of rememberance
I love you and miss you with all my heart Mama and always will.

I wouldn’t normally post prayers but for those who may be going through a similar process, maybe these 3 below from the Church of England website may be of comfort.

A prayer for ourselves

Support us, O Lord,

all the day long of this troublesome life,

until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes,

the busy world is hushed,

the fever of life is over

and our work is done.

Then, Lord, in your mercy grant us a safe lodging,

a holy rest, and peace at the last;

through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

 

A prayer based on Psalm 6

Our eyes, Lord, are wasted with grief;

you know we are weary with groaning.

As we remember our death

in the dark emptiness of the night,

have mercy on us and heal us;

forgive us and take away our fear

through the dying and rising of Jesus your Son.

Amen.

 

The Lord’s prayer (based on Matthew 6:9-13)

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For the kingdom, the power,

and the glory are yours

now and for ever.

Amen.

 

Psalm 23 (taken from Common Worship)

The Lord is my shepherd;

there can I lack nothing.

He makes lie down in green pastures

and leads me beside still waters.

He shall refresh my soul

and guide me in the paths of righteousness for his

name’s sake.

Though I walk through the valley of

the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

for you are with me;

you rod and staff, they comfort me.

You spread a table before me

in the presence of those who trouble me;

you have anointed my head with oil

and my cup shall be full.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell In the house of the Lord for ever.

 

Grief is the price pay for love
Quote originally from Queen Elizabeth II to the American people following 9/11

By Stephen Liddell

I am a writer and traveller with a penchant for history and getting off the beaten track. With several books to my name including several #1 sellers. I also write environmental, travel and history articles for magazines as well as freelance work. I run my private tours company with one tour stated by the leading travel website as being with the #1 authentic London Experience. Recently I've appeared on BBC Radio and Bloomberg TV and am waiting on the filming of a ghost story on British TV. I run my own private UK tours company (Ye Olde England Tours) with small, private and totally customisable guided tours run by myself!

76 comments

    1. Dear Rosemarie,

      thank-you for your comment. I am sorry it has taken so long to reply but I will thank everyone individually. My mother always taught good manners and I remember how pleased she was whenever one of the local store owners had complimented her on her polite children!

      One week on, nothing much has changed but I have read every comment many times and so have other family members. Thank-you again.

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  2. I am aware of what you are feeling at the moment. My parents died within a year or so of each other, my Mother being the first. It is a long time ago now and every now and then something pops into my mind and I recall little pieces of our lives together.

    Although the physical presence has gone, and the memories fade somewhat, there will always be a part of you that will bring those memories back. The most important thing is to remember all the good things that she and you enjoyed over the years and fight any temptation to linger on any hint of guilt at her loss.

    It took me longer to recover from my Mother’s loss than it needed to as I couldn’t stop berating myself for the times I hadn’t been as patient with her as I should.

    I am not religious but I hope you can find the comfort in your friends and family to see you through the next difficult period in your life.

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    1. Thank-you for sharing you experiences. It is comforting to read of others who have gone through similar feelings.

      I think every one of us have things we regret doing, saying or not doing/saying to all our family and friends but if they loved us despite these then we must be ok people. Of course in a way knowing they loved us despite these things can also somehow make it worse that we lost such an amazing person in the first place.

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  3. Hello Stephen – I landed here from our blog, and was so saddened by your post I had to respond. All of us who have lost our parents will know your grief; it is a terrible loss to not be able to say your goodbyes, but I am sure your love for your Mum was apparent in all your words and actions. Let people in to offer comfort, and let your emotions be heard. Wishing you strength at this time.

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  4. Prayer helped me through my own difficult passages – there is much comfort there. And sad as it is, your quote at the end is truth – the experience of grief makes our feelings of love deeper and our moments of happiness higher.

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    1. Thanks Lynne. I guess we would be pretty awful people if she were not worth being sad over or I not being sad for her. Hopefully in the long run 39 years of happy memories will over ride the current sadness and also the regret that if things had been different there could have been many more shared years ahead.

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  6. So sorry to hear of your loss, Stephen. Grief is a heavy price, indeed. I lost my sister a year ago, but we knew it was going to happen and so had the chance to say our goodbyes – didn’t lessen the grief though. Only time does that.

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    1. Thank-you. I will keep writing and I will shortly finish my second book so now I have the perfect dedication opportunity. I am sure she would be thrilled by that as she always told people that I got my writing from her.

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  9. I feel for you. I lost my mother to a massive heart attack in 1989. It was unexpected, too. I still think of her each day. I lost my dear step-mother two years ago, slowly due to her second stroke. She was not only family, but a dear pal. I lost my job in 2010, I do odd jobs now to help pay bills. The popular phrase, “It gets better”, is true. It takes time and patience. Be well.

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    1. Thanks Swabby. I am sorry about your losses. I remember 2 of my Grandparents died in quick succession around 1989 when I was a teenager and I still miss them and think of them every day.

      I do hope things will get better.

      Thank-you for caring, I hope you’re doing ok in these bad economic times.

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    1. Thank-you Annette. It means a lot as do all the comments. I have often gone to visit or re-visit the sites of people who have commented so I know who it is who is thinking of me.

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  14. My deepest sympathy to you during this time. Your prayers were perfect and meaningful. ( I wear a silver bracelet engraved with a prayer in memory of my mom.) Reach out to those who are there for you in person but know that blog friends, as scattered around the planet as we are, understand.

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    1. Thank-you for your message. That is a lovely idea to wear the bracelet. I may well think of doing something similar in the future.

      My mother would be astounded, amazed and happy to know so many people had left comments here. In her day she used to write letters to penpals all over the place.

      Thanks for being a lovely blog friend.

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  15. I am so sorry for your loss. Death is never easy, even when we expect it. Not being able to say goodbye makes it all that more painful. May your memories of her be your guide to healing.

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  17. My condolences for your loss. I have also been through the pain of losing my mother unexpectedly so I daresay that I can relate to how you feel. May the good Lord grant you comfort at this trying time, amen.

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  20. My mother was 93 when she passed away last year. Thankfully, she had a good mind and joked about her doctor who came into the hospital to tell her that she was “doing well” on the very day she died. She said, “He is quite the salesman!” My sadness was that I did not expect her to die that day as she had sat up and eaten her meal. I was called away to do something for my husband, who was sick, and I was not able to make it back to the hospital in time even when they called me. I wanted to be there and to hold her hand and give her some special words. We all wish that things could be just as we want it to be at a time when someone is going to die, but it rarely is. My thoughts and prayers are with you and that God’s love will surround you as well as those who loved your mother. I hope sometime you will be able to read my “Good Friday” blog at Boyer Writes. There is a song and poem at the end. It is so beautiful and says so much. Maybe it will be of some comfort. Blessings from Nancy in Florida, USA

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    1. Thank-you for your lovely comments Nancy. It is good when people can keep their good humour right up until the end. It must have been awful to miss her during those circumstances but at least 93 is a good age and it sounds like she had a lovely daughter and hopefully family too.

      My mother had only just reached her 63rd birthday and had suffered from cancer on and off since about 2000. Her own mother died at exactly the same age and it seems my mother was exactly my age (39). So it seems that as in so many ways I have followed in her footsteps although it is one occasion I am sure she wished I hadn’t.

      I will certainly go and visit your song and poem this weekend.

      Thank-you again for your kind comments.

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      1. I am so glad to hear from you and want you to know that you are in my prayers as you face life’s new situation. Your mother was young and I know you will miss her greatly. It wasn’t until my mother passed away that I actually looked at my own mortality. As you may guess, I am in my 70’s with great health and still doing so many things, plus traveling. However, I had a cousin who died in his 40’s while walking through an airport. He did not realize that he had a heart condition…nor did his family. I guess the best we can do in life is have faith that God will only allow us that last breath when He is ready. I do not believe that God makes terrible things happen to us, but He is with us in the midst of it all. We are victims of the environment and sickness that pollution in the world causes….and that humanity causes. It is good that so many diseases have found a cure. Many of my family members are ill….aunts and uncles have passed away just recently…so as much as we do not like to think about it…death is a sure thing for all of us in some way or another. Interesting that just the other day, the children’s prayer that we all have heard came to mind. “Now I lay me down to sleep…I pray the Lord my soul to keep…and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Simply, but says it all. Blessings to you this day, Stephen. The sun will be a little brighter for you as time goes on.

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  21. From the Catholic tradition:
    Stir up your trust in God’s infinite goodness
    and honor God
    by leaving in God’s hands the care of your person.
    Be not troubled about the present
    or disquieted about the future,
    but be concerned only
    about the moment you must now live.
    Do not let anticipation of tomorrow
    be a burden on the day that is passing.
    What you lack in the evening
    the morrow will bring you,
    if you know how to hope in God.

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  22. My very deepest condolences, Stephen. I know how difficult it is to lose a loved one. You will never forget them, but the pain does ease once you come to terms with the loss, and realise that the person is at rest. Mu thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.

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  27. Words are just words right now for your loss is so great your mind and heart cannot comprehend the reality, but know that soon your fog of pain will lift, the curtain will open, just enough for you to realize there are many words spoken with true love, empathy and sorrow for your loss and to give you strength, accept them and take comfort from them. Know that where your sweet mam is there is nopain or suffering, that she is with the Father our Creator and she is watching over you with Him. God Bless

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    1. Thank-you Gloria. I am so sorry about you and Tommy. We are in a similar boat. No-one should ever lose their son though which is truly awful. Similarly my mother wasn’t even at retirement age which is awful too.

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      1. Stephen, no… I agree that your mother was too young… no one should lose a loved one at such a ‘young’ age… there was so much living left to do.

        My heart feels your pain, so… do my eyes. Yes, we
        are in a similar boat. I know you’ve just begun to grieve for your mother… my heart hurts for the pain you will experience, as I can tell you loved her so much. I can say I know this grief, too… I can say I truly care. Love, Granny Gee/Gloria

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  29. Sorry to hear of your loss Stephen. No day is a good day, but being close to a holiday is even worse. The thing about loving someone is that is hurts so bad when you lose them. The good news is that you remember them with that same love and you’ll always have that with you. Keep the faith as far as your work goes, and although it’s a cliche’, one door closes……
    I have always found this to be true, be open to the chance for change.
    Take care kiddo,
    Linda

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    1. Thanks for your comment Linda. I love your blog btw. Yes happening at Easter just made it worse.

      I know my mum always wanted to have another dog but wouldn’t get one as she missed the first one so much.

      I am definitely looking and applying for lots of jobs though maybe not quite as much for the next few weeks.

      It says how awful my old job was that my mother was pleased I had been made redundant just 2 weeks before she died. She hated that company and the long drive round the M25 and M40 every day.

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  30. Grief is something we all share – ‘send not to know for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee…’ May God comfort you. I guess your heading is true. I thought of that song ‘The Rose’ when I read it.

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  31. I can honestly say that my imagination is not up to the task of coming up with something more shocking or sudden than the unexpected loss of a parent – or what comes after, as I have yet to find the second part. The prayers were truly lovely. We had to postpone interring my grandmother until after Easter – but she was suffering and well at peace with it. My mother lived with me and I cared for her but she was not particularly old (64) and there was no warning. I went to bed with my mother and woke without her – yet nothing will even be addressed concerning her until after my grandmother’s interment. Leave it to say we did not celebrate Easter this year… at least not in any traditional sense.

    I welcome you to my blog – it will likely change in tone – I am a very politically minded person when I have a mind.

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    1. Thank-you for your comments. I can really empathise with what you say as my mother had just had her 63rd birthday.

      Yes it was the same with me, one minute she was here and the next not.

      One week on, nothing has happened due to the everywhere being closed for Easter until Tuesday morning.

      I hope things pick up for you though in truth I can’t imagine where you/me go from here. I’m really sorry, if I can help with anything do let me know.

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  33. Stephen, here is a prayer for you:

    You are no alone
    The centuries fight for you
    Eternity is your ally
    You are in the keeping of
    The One who holds you with love
    That will not let you go.

    Anonymous

    Warm hugs to you

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  35. I am sorry for your loss, that has to be one of the hardest things in life and I worry about my father so much as he has been extremely sick and a diabetic. But the more I read the more I see strength in people to over come, you to will overcome and may not be whole but you can rest assure you will smile.

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